Four years ago, I was acutely psychotic. I believed I was pregnant with a baby that had been implanted inside me on a hospital psychiatric ward, believed I was Jesus Christ, Anne Frank, and L. Ron Hubbard, on alternating days, and heard voices talking to me from the television and the radio. I could not keep a job for very long, although I tried. I knew that some of my thoughts were not what people would consider normal, so I kept them to myself, rather than be labeled as crazy. I did not tell people that I knew the world was going to end soon, and that there were concentration camps where people were being slaughtered inside the United States, except on a few rare occassions when my psychosis got the best of me, and I let my true thoughts come to the surface. I had many hospital stays, was prescribed many medications, and many refusals to take medication or find treatment once outside the hospital setting. I did not know what my diagnosis was. Eventually, because of the voices, I had several suicide attempts. I overdosed on many medications, I drove a car to the top of a very high bridge called the Sunshine Skyway and slammed into the guardrail at top speed, trying to drive over the edge, and I bought a gun, and went to a shooting range where I learned how to use it.On the day that I was going to shoot myself, I had my plan laid out, having thought about it for quite some time. I thought that death was the only way to escape the voices, and to avoid being sent to a concentration camp. I also thought I was under an obligation to die, as the voices told me to. I wrote a living will. I took it to my father's office and left it on his desk. I wrote letters to all my friends and family members, and bought them gifts. I wrote out checks for all the money in my bank account. I read from the Bible. I drank alcohol (although I generally never drink), and I downed some pills. But I never pulled the trigger.Before I could shoot myself, the police were called by my family, and I was taken away to a hospital in handcuffs. That time, the hospital staff new my attempt was a serious one, and I was given a hearing with a judge, where I was ordered into long-term hospitalization. I ended up hospitalized for five months, during which time the medication had a chance to work, for the first time, and I stopped having most of my psychotic symptoms.Due to Schizophrenia I have lived in homeless shelters, rented rooms, motel rooms, the back of my car, an Assisted Living Facility, and a group home. Now, I live in my own apartment, which is rented to me by a community mental health program. I have lived here for two years, a fact which I am proud of. I held down a job for nearly two years as well. I returned to college. I joined NAMI (the National Alliance on Mental Illness), and attended their support group meetings and peer advocacy classes. I started a support group, called DAISIES: Dedicated Advocacy, Individual Support, Independence, and Education for Schizophrenia(http://daisiesgroup.homestead.com), and I hold the meetings most weekends at a community mental health drop-in center. I talk about Schizophrenia, in an effort to educate people around me and around the world. I do this primarily through my blog (http://suicidalyetsane.blogspot.com), which I started back when I was still psychotic, and which has given me a place where I can share my private journey. Books about other people with this illness, and Surviving Schizophrenia by E. Fuller Torrey, have also helped me a great deal. In the future, I hope to write for publication about my experiences, and spread the word to others that there is hope. We are more than just a diagnosis number out of the DSM-IVR. We are people, just like everyone else. The stigma imposed by silence needs to end.

Jennifer R. (Clearwater, FL)
trying to rebound from a severe relapse of this desease words can't describe. I trashed mostly everyone in my life, including my family that i had no contact with for close to five years because they couldn't get through to me. I've hit bottom and don't no where to turn. i'm having a hard time even sending in this because i trashed alot of people though writing letters, and even went as far as thinking i was some kind of Messiah, i'm in mental health court now because i tried to burn my shed and bike, and had to do 30 days in a physceatric hospital to see if i was fit to stand trail that i can't seem to get over. I'm writing in here because i no how sharing can help someone and i've hit bottom. Please help...
Dave F. (Saint John, NB)


I make conscious choices around when to disclose and when to wait. In my life I have been a part of many projects to reduce stigma and tell my story so I see a purpose in telling people up front. It can be used to inspire others to come out of isolation and be in recovery. Or to teach professionals what to do and not to do, while building compassion in them for the person with mental illness. Another perspective though is that not everyone without a diagnosis is kind or friendly towards those who do. I take my time with those people and discern if they are safe to tell my story to and if not I keep it to myself.
Tara T. (Victoria BC)


I believe it started in high school since I was on a strict self imposed diet to remain thin for my sport and wrong thinking that it would actually keep me healthy. Not! Now I'm 40 years older and have had some major symptoms of schizophrenia that kinda crept up on me. I'm sure I had other symptoms that never got recognized because I tend to be quiet and haven't really had friendships at all since those teen years. And I never trusted my doctor enough to let him know the real me which finally led me to finding another doctor. Now I have a new PC, psychologist and psychiatrist at my disposal, so to speak, and they have helped me figure out what is or was happening to me.
I do believe diet plays a major role in my own problems and have since changed it for the better. My psychiatrist is all for this and hopes I'll not ever need the medications again. I tried Abilify and it was one mean drug! I couldn't stand the side effects so am off it and taking particular vitamins and limiting use of coffee and other nonfood items that taste good but add nothing to ones health. I do think that the Orthomolecular way is best as is fresh food not prepackaged junk. I stay away from chemicals that aren't found in nature and read labels always.
Kathy A. (Hamburg, NY)


Since I was diagnosed with schzophrenia, I was away from all contacts other than my parents, brother, and a 3 years old daughter. I've lived with them since.Then one day, after days without medication, I thought a miracle had happened that my mind was so cleared and I called all my friends to tell them that I was cured......I was Manic.... I was just so happy, that went on for about 3-6 months when I thought I should maybe go to another psychiatrist.But, I called the wrong old schoolmate.... Since she is the only doctor in our class, she is a dentist.   I just called her ( remember, I was Manic) and said Hi, I was schizophrenic.........and then the hell went loose, a lot of my old schoolmate all gathered together and we had a reunion. I could tell it seemed like that they were all informed. This was my paranoia. I am Schizo Affective.  I performed okay at the reunion. A lot of those old schoolmate were people I haven't seen since I was sixteen years old, and the popular girl in class.. Just because the friend I called first  was in the medical doctor of one sort.....I went to a second reunion with one of my best school friend when she came to town from living in Seattle, and now in London...... I said stupid things like I bought my daughter's contraceptive device. That be-followed with silence and one of my barrister friend said something like she woke up seeing a girl came out of her son's room one morning.....Even after that, I exposed myself to all sorts of people....An Oncologist professor (mother of my 4th grade daughter) , most of my daughters home room teachers..... relatives I haven't seen for a long time...I do not care what they would say about me to their families or whoever....I had done nothing wrong. I had had my glory period in my profession. Kept my shop going for twenty five years after I've gotten very sick.... Married and had a second daughter who's going to be eleven years old....I thank God for what I have and I let other people and whoever to come to term with my condition...We are not to blame and if you do not understand, you are just plain stupid and insensitive to people with dibilitative illness.  This is how I handle my illness, nothing to be ashamed of.
Yvonne H. (from Hong Kong)


I have schizophrenia, but I'm fortunate in that I'm basically fully recovered, except for occasional voices caused by stress.I developed schizophrenia at 29 but was not diagnosed until 36.  Following diagnosis, I was hospitalized twice while doctors figured out my medication.  Zyprexa, Geodon, and Risperdal all failed for me, but eventually Abilify was prescribed, and it took effect instantly, although the full effects were gradual.  I'm a lightweight with any chemical, so Abilify had me too sedated to drive for three months.Once I was able to drive again, I learned I qualified for vocational rehabilitation, and they steered me back into school.  I have a bachelor's degree in English from when I was healthy, but I'm not really a writer or editor, so I've done nothing with that degree.  I'm now in my second year at a community college, studying Web Site Development and Design.I've had excellent support from my family, including my parents completing NAMI's Family-to-Family Program.  My experience with mental health providers, including the police who visited me three times before I was hospitalized, has been extremely positive.I don't tell people I've newly met that I have schizophrenia, but I do tell them once it becomes difficult to explain my life without mentioning it.  I was an introvert before schizophrenia, and, at the moment, I only work part-time from home, testing and programming web sites for the web development company that employs my brother.  Consequently, I don't have a lot of disclosure experience, but my results have been mixed.Negatively, prior to beginning vocational rehab, I told a former employer at a temporary agency and I think she wanted to drop the phone.  I just assumed that, as a human resources professional, she would be educated in mental health, but I guess I was mistaken.  More positively, I've told a couple classmates from team projects.  One classmate laughed when I told him about my seven-year delusional belief that I had a camera implanted in my face, but otherwise his response was fine.  He's 63, so I imagine the stigma associated with mental illness may be different for his generation.  As it turns out, he had an uncle with schizophrenia and my classmate always believed schizophrenia was split personality disorder, so I guess the stigma prevented discussion.  My other classmate is in his early 20s, and he seemed unfazed by schizophrenia.Like I said, I was an introvert when I was healthy, but I became completely withdrawn during my seven untreated years, so I don't have any friendships nearby at the moment.  I have reconnected with one old friend who lives 100 miles away.  He works with computers these days, but he has a master's degree in social work, so no stigma there.  Obviously, as a college student living with his parents, I don't yet know how full independence is going to go.  I plan on mentioning schizophrenia in my job interviews because my work and education history is impossible to explain otherwise.  With regard to developing new friendships, I do plan to tell people fairly early, because I don't want to find out later that my new friend is an idiot.
Ken F. (Lake Oswego, OR)


I believe Orthomolecular Medicine can be helpful if no other medications are working for you. I remember when I was very ill - and know for a fact that I was'nt recieving the proper medication or nutrition that I very much needed and was accustom to taking. And believe that restoring the balance of the body's natural substances can be quite helpful.
Marcilla M. (Long Beach, CA)


My 27 year-old son has schzioaffective disorder, and I would be willing to try anything that would help him.  He now takes prescription medications faithfully because I tell him they will help him and he trusts me.  However, they make him tired and he sleeps through his life.  If I could change that for him, I would.
Gloria S. (Hemet, CA)


Orthomolecular psychiatry and healthy, vital, fresh food is really the best way anyone can positively and soundly build a foundation for good health of both body & brain. 

Psychiatry is basically a dead-end alley, based on a fragile propagandistic 'truths' and is an unproductive, and fundamentally-unsound approach that gained purchase in the 1950's after a synthetic dye-producing chemical company in Europe found one of its products produced 'waxy flexibility' and 'calm, detached state' in experimental surgical subjects. 

Always ready to find applications for its products and their spinoffs, these companies and willing psychiatrists glommed onto the agent and, after a $6 million advertising campaign ($30 million in today's dollars), the 1st major tranquilizer Thorazine was adopted by doctors and hospitals across the Globe. 

At the same time, an enterprising doctor-researcher, Abram Hoffer, M.D. was experimenting with Niacin, which had proved effective in curing Pellagra in the '30's (reducing mental hospital populations by 10%).  In the 40's, other doctors found additional positive results with higher doses of Niacin on people with mental illnesses.

Hoffer and his group, the first to use the double-blind, placebo-controlled study format in psychiatry, found that Niacin and Niacinamide at the 3g per day level produced good results in reducing hospitalizations in a 5-year study and one with a 10-year time horizon.

This was still very early in terms of knowledge, experimentation and clinical use of Niacin and vitamin therapy.  In subsequent years, it was found that many people required even higher doses of Niacin to be highly effective. 

The single vitamin B-3 was combined with others as well, and, early on, ECT, and, if necessary, penacillamine, to produce a virtually total (100%) recovery, according to Hoffer.   That was many years ago.  Now orthomolecular doctors are keyed into other critical nutrients such as B-6, Zinc, Magnesium (deficient to various degrees in more than 80% of the US population major problem), and others.

This kind of therapy, especially combined with attention to healthy eating of more vegetables (fresh or lightly-cooked) and fresh fruits, lean protein, healthy meat, alternative grains, and good water, will improve virtually everyone's health significantly or dramatically.  It is not a matter of belief but a natural fact. 

Everyone knows this to one degree or another.  Think about it.  Why are most all nutritionists on earth saying we need more servings of fruits and vegetables?  

This whole area of nutritional therapy for body brain behavioral health is the usually unspoken secret, the 9,000-lb. gorilla in the room when 'mental health' is discussed in public meetings, conferences, state agencies, task forces, and certainly at pill-promotional $50+ dinners or vacations for psychiatrists. 

These doctors of brain-based mental affairs are almost completely untrained and ignorant of the very most important component of human health--what goes into our bodies (healthy and unhealthy), and the effects that has on our brains, which are supported, nourished, and maintained by the other organ systems in the body connected to it.. 

Nutrition--food- and water-wise, through air we breathe, sunlight (which can produce Vitamin D-3 in the Summer months), and the biochemical effect of our social and psychological environment, and our relationship with Nature and connective spiritual forces have profoundly-influential effects on our brains, thus minds and behavior. 

These underlying cornerstones of body and brain health need to be openly, honestly, objectively, and continuously looked into, used, and broadcast throughout our society and health care system. 

Our health care system--physical and mental--is in crisis.  Alternative and complimentary medicine is a preeminent area for highly prospective new studies into scientific approaches in brain/behavioral health.  This field has somehow been mislabeled as dealing with mental illness.  

The various physical illnesses for which the classic disorders proceed from have mostly to do with nutrient deficiencies, allergies affecting the brain, viruses, environmental toxins which have become ubiquitous in our lives, and other factors yet unknown or little understood. 

The above are predominant reasons so many of us have gotten perceptually sick and why more and more people are developing mental symptoms of physical body/brain problems.  In a manner of speaking, these illnesses are all in your head your brain that is, but they come from many things we put into both our bodies and brains. 

That conventional medical doctors or psychiatrists would resist these underlying truths is natural--they are alchemical specialists who have been taught a particular pursuit now heavily tied, even wedded at the hip, to pharmaceutical companies and their profitable pill-generating production orientation. It has built a virtual chokehold on the conventional health care agenda. 

Even doctors and psychiatrists will tell you as much right out loud, at least if they are honest and  scientifically curious or open to the best available treatments. 

It is a tragedy that our 'health care system' has been restricted and stultified by this unnatural, powerful, and long-term debilitative approach centering on compounds foreign to our systems.  These compounds are called xenobiotics by some orthomolecular practitioners. 

This whole situation could change as people find out there are highly prospective, proven alternatives to drug-based psychiatry. 

Even Freud, whose bumbling attempts to explain psychoses and neuroses as unresolved childhood conflicts or repressed sexuality himself said, (paraphrased) someday chemists and scientists would unravel the mysteries of the brain that he was just poking at with a theoretical, psychological scalpel. 

Freud's crude ideas were used almost exclusively and with such authority for the entire 1st half of the 20th century and then up until today as the major historical basis for much of the co-dominant school of psychotherapy.

Though Sigmund Freud himself apparently realized he was just fumbling in the dark (groping?) and that someday chemists would unravel the mysteries of the physically diseased brain, uneducated or uninterested doctors and members of the public still accept much of this intellectually unsatisfying mind-set.  

Freud himself could only get relief from his depression by smoking!  This showed how biochemistry was vital in relieving his own particular problem. 

Why so-called highly-trained medical folks have resisted the bio-chemical nature of so much of what we call mental illness, is beneath me.  We should be talking primarily about mental symptoms of body and brain illnesses, or more basically about the illnesses themselves, not mainly the symptoms.

I have a question for you:  If you treat the illness, what happens to the symptoms??   Yet psychiatrists are mainly suppressing symptoms or adjusting  neurotransmitter levels while something else (x 3) goes out of whack. 

These 'doctors of the mind' unfortunately are not even concerned about basic biochemical issues or physical factors predisposing or causing the major ˜psychiatric disorders. 'Mental illnesses' are mainly symptom clusters, not diseases.  In reality, we are talking about various depleted, interrupted, impaired, inflamed, or besieged states of the brain with accompanying signs or symptoms.

That this is not understood or being built out as the main cornerstone of our body, brain, behavioral health care system is mostly a result of the power, pervasive influence, political connections, and profitability they embody.  Our corporate system definitely has some major flaws.   This can only change, and the sooner the better...Any ideas:)?
Chris F. (Corvallis, OR)


My daughter has schizophrenia and I'm interested in any kind of teatment that may help her. I am especially interested in natural treatments so this article was a timely one and I thought quite good. My daughter is 22 and at the present time she is not interested in doing anything outside the home. I know she's depressed about her illness and she feels that she has no future. I would like to find a group of young people in our area that are also dealing with this problem and maybe then she could see that having schizohrenia isn't necessarily a dead end.
Mary Ann S. (New Berlin, WI)


What does stigma mean to me? it means that my husband's health care need becomes our family's "secret". that we are unable to be open about why he acts the way he does or what his needs are because it might make him vulnerable to rejection in our community, from our neighbors etc.

It has impacted our quality of life by limiting our ability or comfort level with seeking help from others when it is needed. we do not have allies in our community/neighborhood that will come along side of our family like they would if he had a physical illness. we are lonely...as individuals, as a couple and as a family.

How can it be changed: one way would be to get more and more information out there concerning what mental illness is and isn't and to provide education in the schools through the health curriculum regarding mental illness. there are many others too numerous to mention...

thanks for the opportunity to share.


Been pounding away at this topic for 15 years, still doing a weekly film series that is the most effective way to change the climate in my town - but it's still an up-hill battle. More about it at www.moviemonday.ca - writings Date: 11 June 1995.

I know an artist who works 4 days a week at an art therapy studio. He keeps a notebook to keep straight who he's told what about what he does with his time. His family and friends all seem to have a different story. He has revealed different degrees of truth, if any, to each. He fears seeing someone who 'knows' him at a studio open house.

I know another fellow who entered an art show anonymously because he hopes someday to return to the workforce with a 'clean record' so he won't have to bear the shame and discomfort of having had a bout. He soldiered on for years in his supervisory position in a large video production department, sometimes so unwell he could barely function. Only a couple of his supervisors 'knew', but surely all around him suspected. He was falling apart. Had to go into that work place and 'keep up appearances' until he had a "nervous breakdown". He's had 5 years off work because of recurring bouts of severe depression.

Now, when I offered him a chance to exercise his considerable professional abilities in a lowkey, low pressure situation he has to decline. A condition of his pension is that he does no volunteer work (catch 22... if you're well enough to volunteer you ought to be back at your real job but... how can you work back from a complete stop without some low pressure experience...?). He can't garden for a friend, was told he couldn't be a volunteer museum guide without jeopardizing his pension, definitely can't consider doing volunteer work related to what he did so well even when he was really ill with depression. So his shame, his secret is re-enforced. He's tried various medications, does his hobbies, drinks a lot of coffee, smokes and waits to be well enough to step right into his old job with a clean record.

I decided at a very definite moment to step out of the closet. It was a scary move. I was warned by my psychiatrist of the dangers: 'if you ever apply for a real job it will follow you.' But I didn't ever expect to have a real job anyway.

I wanted to raise money by appealing to the public to donate money to buy a new projector for my Movie Monday program. I believed in its future and the hospital's equipment was unreliable, I knew my success would depend on consistency. The hospital's tight budget couldn't afford it so I went public about my story with an article by Deborah Pierce in the T.C. People started contributing to a fund, it was the most positive move I've made in my recent life. It's helped me to acknowledge a whole side of who I am and live with it well. It gave me an opportunity to really succeed. My family gradually joined in and are now fully involved in supporting the endeavor.

It's something we do together now. We share in the work and in the rewards. We've done 175 shows weekly over three years with style and consistency. Over 10,000 people have attended. It's a more healthy, holistic to deal with my illness and our community. I talk about my illness. I'm probably the highest profile manic depressive in Victoria. My kids can admit the old guy's got it.

I've invited 60 of my son's grade 7 classmates and four of their teachers, two busloads, in to see a curriculum related movie (Frankenstein on Halloween). I was able to give them a quick and positive message about the institution and about dealing well with mental illness.

My older son did an art project 6 months into the MM initiative. It was a 'value shield', one part of the shield was to be 'what would you do with a million dollars?'. He drew a million dollar bill with an arrow pointing to a block shaped building labeled 'E.M.I.', the psychiatric facility where we show our movies. I was knocked out when I saw it displayed on a wall in the art room. Not only was he expressing his commitment to the value of a psych. hospital, he was boldly proclaiming that unpopular value to his classmates. We're breaking through the "stigma" of mental illness in our family. It's away of getting out of the loop.

Far from losing opportunities to work by revealing my illness, I'm getting work, because I'm 'out there'. None of my customers in my one-man garden maintenance business dropped me because of my illness, and when people have noticed that besides my movie program I do gardening, they have called me up with work. They expect I'll bring the same kind of consistent, conscientious, resourceful attitude to their garden.

I'm lucky, fortunate, that I'm well enough to do what I'm doing. One has to be at a certain degree of health and, unfortunately, luck to have enough emotional and financial support to maintain the focus in spite of the inevitable fluctuations that come with a mood disorder. But my movie program is part of my wellness campaign. Through it I've been able to embark on a whole other realm of interests. I've shaken off much of that negative baggage that comes with trying to hide a "shameful" illness. I've realized all kinds of abilities I may have never discovered if I had not taken that dangerous step.


Hopefully there is not too drastic of volume of emails, but yes, this stigma is something that greatly affects me. I have schizophrenia, hold down a job, and am also going to try one more time at university in psychology but everywhere I go I am held down by people, some less educated than me, merely because I am slightly sedated by medication or because of the illness itself. Part of the problem is that I simply don't care about our culture, the television or anything that some people talk about and when I am in the presence of someone that is gifted, the suffering and pain of schizophrenia leaves me in a position of needing help with my neurotic tendencies. It is so difficult to be normal or appear to be normal that I can become wrapped up in my self-consciousness and the only way out I see is if people realized, as it took me some time too, that I have had a chemical imbalance my whole life and our world needs to be a better place.


To me stigma is a way of life. I am a 55 year old social worker who went off work due to depression and anxiety. I was unaware of the seriousness of my illness. My doctor tried numerous meds to which I did not tolerate. I am now receiving therapy and down to a mild mood stabilizer. I was overwhelmed and an emotional wreck. I was off work from my position as an addictions counselor for almost 6 months. Our agency does not have short term disability so I was cutoff unemployment benefits mid January this year. To add to my despair I could not pay my rent, hydro and became very distraught which added to my anxiety and panic attacks. I told my doctor I needed to return to work to survive. I am back at work but feel the brunt of my mental illness. I have good and bad days but I feel I am in a pressure cooker. I feel colleagues are resentful because I have a reduced caseload and that I was off for so long. I started a new job as a psychiatric case manager and I do have transference issues. I know how they feel!!!

The workplace is unaccepting in most cases and it is hard to fit in. I feel I am pressured into an early return to work with little or no accommodations for my illness. If I was physically ill there would be a lot more in the way of accommodations. Working in the helping field is difficult when I feel there is no help for my situation. I was denied Worker's Compensation because I do not meet the criteria for my illness. I am struggling everyday just waiting for my eventual breakdown. I am not strong enough emotionally to fight for what I deserve in my job. More has to be done to educate the managers and human resources about protecting their most valuable commodity their employee. Thanks for listening


Stigma not only hinders us consumers in pursuing our goals. It also hurts to the core to see and hear how others react to our illness. People can be so cruel.

Educating the masses is the most powerful tool we have to eradicate stigma and restore sympathy and compassion. Educate our youngsters at all levels. From grade school to high school to junior college to the university level to adult continuing education classes. All taught by trained professional mental health care workers who know how to share their compassionate nature with others.


What does stigma mean to you?

The worst stigma is not hearing someone else say something derogatory or uninformed about mental illness, but feeling embarrassed within myself about having a mental illness.

How has it impacted the quality of your life?

I am able to speak out when someone says something negative about mental illness, but I still feel uneasy inside. I also have felt uneasy at times when I am in a group of people most of whom may not have a mental illness.

What do you think we can do to eradicate stigma?

By speaking out, I can break down barriers and as a result feel more comfortable within myself about having a mental illness. This happens little by little.


My son was diagnosed with Schizophrenia in 1998. It has bee ten years and it has been devastating much of that time. He has recently moved out to a home that I purchased in NC. He's 30 years old now. He is a high school graduate of Valley Forge Military Academy in PA. He had a promising future and was attending college in NC when this terrible disease took over our lives. He didn't have a lot of friends but now he has none. I am doing everything I can to make sure he can take care of himself and live a healthy happy life. He is doing a great job! It is difficult but he is determined. It make me angry sometime to see the stigma and how society looks at the mentally ill but I guess until it hit my only child I was indifferent myself at one time. Today my son is about to publish his first children’s book and he's happier than he has been for a very long time and that makes me happy. I think we need more advocacy for the mentally it. I'd like to see the same attention give to Schizophrenia as is being given to Autism.


Dear Editor,
Stigma to me means silence and shame. My illness has a skewed perception in popular society. I have schizo-affective disorder. I am stuck between 2 illnesses, but oddly the quirky space fits me nicely. I work in a very small company, where the socially awkward are often and openly ostracized. I hide my illness in order to protect myself. I am one of the lucky ones with a doctor skilled enough to identify and treat my particular disorder.

The stigma follows my life from childhood. I am ultra emotional and definitely socially awkward. I have always felt like I must hide myself away in a group, I've never felt "a part of", and I've always pretended to be normal. I'm not normal, and inwardly I embrace my differences and try my hardest to acknowledge and cope with my differences daily in order to make me as "normal" a person as possible.

I honestly do not believe that the stigma of any mental illness, especially forms of schizophrenia can be eradicated in my lifetime. The representation of mental illness and schizophrenia in popular culture, leaves one to believe schizophrenia means multiple personality disorder, which of course is untrue.

My "broken mind" is healing through medication, understanding, and love from my doctors and my family. I think my children's generation will be the ones to eradicate stigmas of mental illness from the world. My 8 year old son tells his teacher that mommy has a brain illness, but not to worry because it's not catching and I won't die. Beyond that he doesn't have a care about my illness, which is just the way I want it. It is what it is, and we don't make a big deal about it.

I manage to live my day to day life, with very few people knowing about my illness, and I'm ok.


As the mother and wife of persons with clinical depression, i find it very difficult to make some people understand that when a person is depressed and cannot get out of bed, it is not due to laziness! they don't seem to understand that this is a chemical imbalance and the ill person, at bad times, cannot will themselves to get active!